Eating Paleo on the road is a futile effort

Are making waffles out of this thing better or worse than eating the “eggs” at a hotel breakfast bar? Seriously? I have no idea.

I am in the middle of a road trip that the family and I are taking. We are sort of doing a circle with Iowa being the main destination for a wedding. Since we are not adverse to road trips we extended the trip a few days before the wedding and a few days after. We already visited Mount Rushmore (stayed in Rapid City), Sioux Falls, Minneapolis (for a Twins game) and now we are in Iowa for the wedding. After the wedding on Saturday we head to Chicago for just enough time to watch a Cubs game, staying in a hotel on Sunday in southern Illinois followed by a day in Kansas City and then a day or two in Hays, Kansas with my mother-in-law.

This trip through the mid-west, on the open highway, has proven nearly impossible for us to continue to eat Paleo. We could have planned better and packed about four coolers with food, but went the more realistic route and packed some snacks. We were armed with pepperoni and beef sticks which are both nitrate and sugar free, some beef jerky which is nearly 100% Whole 30 (I know…if it isn’t Whole 30 it isn’t Whole 30), some grapes, bananas, apples, almonds and raisins. The benefit of these snacks thus far is that we are not buying anything at a gas station.

So snacking has been great for us. Outside of snacks…

I have tried to stick to salads as much as possible and unfortunately in Rapid City thanks to time constraints (two terribly tired small children) and lack of knowing what was available we ended up at Golden Coral. WOW! I know, about as opposite of Paleo as you can get. I figured I could eat meat and veggies and I did just that even though the meat has to be about as processed and full of sh!t as possible. Well, except for the small piece of sausage pizza, the small fudge bar and a small slice of some sort of chocolate/coconut pie. Ya, I jumped way the hell off the Paleo bandwagon and seriously felt awful afterwards. Not guilty awful, I didn’t have any remorse, but my stomach was upside down and throwing a temper tantrum my four year old would have been proud of.

Then we had the hotel breakfast which brought up a good question: which is worse for you (or better if you want to try to be optimistic) the fake scrambled eggs or the waffles? Seriously, which is worse? Anyone have any input? The first thought is that the waffles have to be worse, but upon further thinking the wife and I thought possibly the eggs since they are most likely not even real eggs…or real food. So, if you have any opinions on which is worse for a Paleo diet – fake eggs or waffles – please share in the comments. I am curious. I doubt that will be my last opportunity to choose this trip.

This morning for the sake of time we went through a McDonald’s for breakfast. Soda is already a glaring weakness of mine (as you know if you read me regularly at all) and this trip it has been no different. Whatever, it’s soda, I know the negatives of it and am OK with it. But what else can you possibly eat at McDonald’s on a Paleo lifestyle? Screw it. I had two of their small breakfast burritos.

My side and rib area literally hurt after eating that junk. My stomach is still pissed at me and will probably stay pissed until the trip is over, but, man, this is tough.

My aunt and uncle were so kind last night that they BBQ’d chicken and veggies for us and it was awesome. I did have Ruby Tuesday the other night and stuck to the salad bar and red win vinaigrette for the dressing. Today for lunch I had sloppy joes without the bun, of course, and pineapple.

Oh, but after Ruby Tuesday’s we went to Cold Stone because my son has been wanting an ice cream cone and I had sorbet in a waffle cone and today after lunch at my grandparents house I had half of a piece of some sort of strawberry/rhubarb pie. So, even my Paleo meals are ruined by deserts.

This will continue to be a struggle for the next week or so. I have been hitting the CrossFit a little harder as we travel in hopes of keeping the pounds off. I figure the acne and horrible trips to the bathroom are coming. Actually, the bathroom stuff has already started.

We HAVE to hit up a grocery store before leaving Iowa…I should be writing a book on how NOT to eat Paleo on the road.

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